UnbornAngels
and NewlybornAngels
This Page is dedicated to all Grandparents and siblings (This is a picture of my mother holding Baby Sara shortly after she was born)
I never realized how grandparents grieve, in their own ways. Most of the time they are busy trying to help their child get through this that the forget about themselves and their own feelings and pain.
I am so thankful to have had the help from my mother. I also learned that she to had lost a child due to miscarriage, so to have her there and knowing that she understood how I had been feeling was very comforting. Of all the weeks she could have came to Alaska to visit me she chose the week that I would lose my baby. I believe with all of my heart God sent her to me knowing that I would need her. And I am so thankful to him for that because I did need her.
Sometimes having a grandparent around is helpful when you are going through this. Maybe she or he can help out with preparing dinner, Keeping up on the house work, running errands or helping out with any other grandchildren. to give mom and dad some time to grieve together. And especially if dad has to get back to work right away. The feeling of being alone is already strong but when your spouse has to return to work, the first few days without him there might seem unbearable.
My mother bought me a book "little one's bible verses" In the inside she wrote "presented to Jordan Lee From Grandma with loving memories. God Chose a perfect angel" And it was very special to me. any keepsakes or memorabilia you get, I strongly encourage you to keep, you may not want to look at anything right now you might be hurting so bad that any memories or keepsakes are way to painful to look at. The pain never goes away from my experience, but it has gotten a lot easier to handle and i love to sit down with my husband open up our baby's box and look through everything we have kept along the way to remember our child by.
Here is a letter that My Step Father wrote to me after I lost Jordan Lee. I never would have thought that it would affect him. It really meant a lot to me to know that he cared about what I was going through.
Here is a copy of it..I would like to share it with you.
Tina & Donovan,
We sometimes ask why God takes a baby before we hear it's first cry or takes it's first breath.
I believe with all my being these baby's are the purest of pure. God takes them because he wants them to be his special Angels.
They are not born of sin, not required to be born again to enter Heaven. These special Angels will be there to greet us, with open arms and this will please God. Yes this is Heaven Carry the faith
Love, Dad 
(This is a picture of my Uncle Fred holding Baby Sara. Even though he is my Uncle he is like a dad to me, He has helped raise me and teach me. I love him with all my heart and I am so thankful to have had him there for me during this difficult time)
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This section will focus on the siblings feelings, often times they are forgotten about. They are quiet and watch everything going on around them even if the parents are trying hard to conceal the pain the are feeling. Children are usually aware when their parents are upset . Children are often deeply affected by the death of a baby brother or sister and they too may need to grieve. It is sometimes difficult for parents to know whats best and how to help when they are grieving themselves. Every child will react differently to a baby's death and their needs may vary.
Here is a short story of mine...
My oldest daughter Mariah was so looking forward to having a baby sister, that was all she talked about, she made plans, she had hopes, she had dreams of sharing her toys with her sister. she wanted to share her room with her sister. she even made her a special spot in her room for her to nap when she was born. I would read her school projects and all she ever wrote about was what her and her baby sister did over the weekend. When in fact it was her brother Brandon that did those things with her. I don't think anyone in her school even knew Brandon existed. When Mariah found out about what had happened to her baby sister, she was crushed she had lost her baby sister, her hopes and her dreams. all her plans she had an empty spot in her room where she had dreamed her sister to be. and an empty spot in her heart that no one could ever fill.
Finding ways of talking about the baby who has died and answering children's questions can be very difficult for a parent who is already emotionally exhausted. Some parents also fear breaking down in front of their child. that this might upset them more. But for most children unexplained silences and unanswered questions are much more difficult to accept then tears.
Older children may also go through a difficult time. they may display mood changes or become clingy, they might have tantrums and may refuse to co-operate.
Children who are old enough to understand will certainly feel their own loss, and their parents loss. At first they might feel the death or their brother or sister impossible to accept. Like their parents they may have to go through a lengthy period of grieving, expressing how they feel and finding ways to cope and come to terms with their loss.
Parents cannot grieve for their children, or take away their pain. This Can be hard for a parent to accept. many may feel helpless and inadequate. They want to ease their child pain and make them feel better. they want to answer all of the questions the right way. Unfortunantly there is no cure for your grief and that also holds true for your child's grief as well.
Remember it is a lot easier for a parent to find support on line a local support group a friend or family member that has been through a similar experience. It is not always that easy for a child to find outlet.
After I lost my second child I started a myspace page to honor my baby's memory and find support from other women that had experienced this. I formed a group for women, men ,grandparents, siblings, anyone who wanted to talk to me about my experiences or talk about their own I wanted to be there and listen and be a friend to any of these people. I checked my mail one day to find my son Brandon asked me to be his friend. My first thought was "I don't really want my kid on my account it's for grown ups and people that have lost their babies" not really a place for kids. I sat him down and tried to explain this to him and he walked away with his head down. Then he came back and looked me in the eye and said "But Mom, I lost my babies,I lost my sister and Jordan" I did not really realize it until that very moment of how selfish that I had been to not want my son on my page. He wanted to be a part of their memory and I denied him that. He made me understand that it was not just my child, He had lost something very dear to him as well. I not only added him, I also thanked him for allowing me to see something that I did not see. And to understand him better even though he is a child he has a lot of strong feelings about his siblings.
