In Loving Memory of
UnbornAngels
and NewlybornAngels
UnbornAngels
and NewlybornAngels
Your Subtitle text
Feelings you might be experiencing
Grief is very private and often very lonely. Only the grieving person fully understands what they have lost and what this means to them, it is difficult, and sometimes impossible, for them to describe their feelings of loss to others. Even those who are very close to them may not understand or share in their grief.
Because grief is so private, most of us know very little about what profound grief s like until we experience it ourselves.
Most parents at some time, wonder whether their thoughts and feelings are "normal" and whether their pain and sadness will ever become bearable.
Here are some feelings that you may be feeling
Feelings of grief
"I just want things to go back to normal, I want this emptiness inside my heart to be filled up, I want to sleep at night again without crying myself to sleep. Most of all I want my baby. I cry inside for Him/Her."
After a baby's death parents grieve for the baby they lost, and everything that baby meant to them. They grieve for a lost future, their own future as the Parents of the baby, and the future they would have shared as a family. they grieve because they not only lost their baby they also lost a expected happiness. Many feel as if they have lost all hope.
Parents long for their baby to hold, to feed, to cuddle, to care for, and most of all to love. It is difficult to believe that such and intense longing will never be fulfilled and that what is wanted and needed so much can never be had.
There is often guilt, anger, bitterness, or resentment; feelings of helplessness, loneliness, great anxiety, fear and sometimes panic and depression. There are almost always physical effects too. Often times people don't even know that you are pregnant and you feel like you gained a lot of weight and lost the reason why. You worry about what other people are thinking and saying.
"last year I was the happiest person on the planet, when I found out I was pregnant. But today I feel lost, I feel hopeless, I feel like a failure. I even still feel pregnant I don't know where to go from here."
Sometimes parents blame themselves, they try to figure out How this happened, was it something they did wrong, especially if there are no medical answers to why their baby died.
"Did I take to hot of baths?"
"Was it the time I slipped on the ice?"
"Should I have rested more?"
"Was it the drink I sipped on before I found out about my pregnancy?"
There are a lot of different questions you might be asking yourself. Please try not to blame yourself. Sometimes things just happen and sometimes we can not always find the answers as to why.
Feelings of grief do get better with time, they do not always disappear. Sometimes when you start to think that you have made it through this and that you are completely back to normal there are certain "Reminders" and the pain of your loss comes rushing back to you. when something happens or something is said, which brings all the feelings of sadness and despair to the surface. This happens the most in the first year or so after the death of your baby.
*The worst day of most of our lives. The day our baby grew his/her wings
*Baby's Expected Due Date
*Holiday's
*Family Gatherings
*Baby Showers
*When you see others peoples baby's or children playing in the park
Sometimes thoughts arise when your baby would have started kindergarten or graduated middle or high school. any siblings that they would have had how things would have been so different. Parents have said that the memory of their baby's will never fade. the feelings will remain with them always
" When I lost baby Sara I tried desperately to stay busy and not think of her or what I had been threw. I bottled up my feelings and kept them all inside. It wasn't until I lost baby Jordan Lee that I realized the pain had never gone away from my first loss, It felt like a had a double dose of sorrow and hurt. Everything I thought I boxed up and shipped out, got returned to sender the day I found out baby Jordan died."
Always remember that there is a purpose behind the grief process-to allow you formally and appropriately to detach yourself from the relationship you have formed with your baby over the past few months. This is not to say that the process will encourage you to "forget the past." Rather it will help you reach the stage where you can remember this experience, understand it, accept it, and then look forward to the future.
When I lost my third child I was not ready to let go I was supposed to pick up a bassinet that evening that I found out the baby had passed. after my DNC I still wanted to buy it and I went over to the lady's house to find out it was beautiful. she was telling me how it rocks back and forth all I could imagine at that moment was I no longer have my soon to be baby to rock in the bassinet. I looked at her and told her it was beautiful and I had my money in my hand. I told her that I was sorry and I had to go. When I got in my car I cried and cried for my baby and realized that it was never the bassinet that I wanted, It was my baby that I did not want to let go. She must have thought I was crazy and I even felt a bit crazy but that is when I finally had to accept that my baby was gone having the bassinet to look at would only hinder my healing and God showed me that when I got in the car. Its is so hard to let go of something that you loved so much
Take your time in your healing process everyone is different and everyone grieves differently
Grieving is the experience and expression of grief. It is both necessary and healing. If you notice that you are not feeling like you are getting better and experiencing feelings of depression or thoughts of suicide. Please call 911 and seek professional medical help.
Here are a couple numbers to the National suicide hotline
or you can visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Taking your life is not the answer. There are people that care and can help you 24 hours a day.
1(800) 784-2433 or 1(800) 273-8255
Grief is very private and often very lonely. Only the grieving person fully understands what they have lost and what this means to them, it is difficult, and sometimes impossible, for them to describe their feelings of loss to others. Even those who are very close to them may not understand or share in their grief.
Because grief is so private, most of us know very little about what profound grief s like until we experience it ourselves.
Most parents at some time, wonder whether their thoughts and feelings are "normal" and whether their pain and sadness will ever become bearable.
Here are some feelings that you may be feeling
Feelings of grief
"I just want things to go back to normal, I want this emptiness inside my heart to be filled up, I want to sleep at night again without crying myself to sleep. Most of all I want my baby. I cry inside for Him/Her."
After a baby's death parents grieve for the baby they lost, and everything that baby meant to them. They grieve for a lost future, their own future as the Parents of the baby, and the future they would have shared as a family. they grieve because they not only lost their baby they also lost a expected happiness. Many feel as if they have lost all hope.
Parents long for their baby to hold, to feed, to cuddle, to care for, and most of all to love. It is difficult to believe that such and intense longing will never be fulfilled and that what is wanted and needed so much can never be had.
There is often guilt, anger, bitterness, or resentment; feelings of helplessness, loneliness, great anxiety, fear and sometimes panic and depression. There are almost always physical effects too. Often times people don't even know that you are pregnant and you feel like you gained a lot of weight and lost the reason why. You worry about what other people are thinking and saying.
"last year I was the happiest person on the planet, when I found out I was pregnant. But today I feel lost, I feel hopeless, I feel like a failure. I even still feel pregnant I don't know where to go from here."
Sometimes parents blame themselves, they try to figure out How this happened, was it something they did wrong, especially if there are no medical answers to why their baby died.
"Did I take to hot of baths?"
"Was it the time I slipped on the ice?"
"Should I have rested more?"
"Was it the drink I sipped on before I found out about my pregnancy?"
There are a lot of different questions you might be asking yourself. Please try not to blame yourself. Sometimes things just happen and sometimes we can not always find the answers as to why.
Feelings of grief do get better with time, they do not always disappear. Sometimes when you start to think that you have made it through this and that you are completely back to normal there are certain "Reminders" and the pain of your loss comes rushing back to you. when something happens or something is said, which brings all the feelings of sadness and despair to the surface. This happens the most in the first year or so after the death of your baby.
*The worst day of most of our lives. The day our baby grew his/her wings
*Baby's Expected Due Date
*Holiday's
*Family Gatherings
*Baby Showers
*When you see others peoples baby's or children playing in the park
Sometimes thoughts arise when your baby would have started kindergarten or graduated middle or high school. any siblings that they would have had how things would have been so different. Parents have said that the memory of their baby's will never fade. the feelings will remain with them always
" When I lost baby Sara I tried desperately to stay busy and not think of her or what I had been threw. I bottled up my feelings and kept them all inside. It wasn't until I lost baby Jordan Lee that I realized the pain had never gone away from my first loss, It felt like a had a double dose of sorrow and hurt. Everything I thought I boxed up and shipped out, got returned to sender the day I found out baby Jordan died."
Always remember that there is a purpose behind the grief process-to allow you formally and appropriately to detach yourself from the relationship you have formed with your baby over the past few months. This is not to say that the process will encourage you to "forget the past." Rather it will help you reach the stage where you can remember this experience, understand it, accept it, and then look forward to the future.
When I lost my third child I was not ready to let go I was supposed to pick up a bassinet that evening that I found out the baby had passed. after my DNC I still wanted to buy it and I went over to the lady's house to find out it was beautiful. she was telling me how it rocks back and forth all I could imagine at that moment was I no longer have my soon to be baby to rock in the bassinet. I looked at her and told her it was beautiful and I had my money in my hand. I told her that I was sorry and I had to go. When I got in my car I cried and cried for my baby and realized that it was never the bassinet that I wanted, It was my baby that I did not want to let go. She must have thought I was crazy and I even felt a bit crazy but that is when I finally had to accept that my baby was gone having the bassinet to look at would only hinder my healing and God showed me that when I got in the car. Its is so hard to let go of something that you loved so much
Take your time in your healing process everyone is different and everyone grieves differently
Grieving is the experience and expression of grief. It is both necessary and healing. If you notice that you are not feeling like you are getting better and experiencing feelings of depression or thoughts of suicide. Please call 911 and seek professional medical help.
Here are a couple numbers to the National suicide hotline
or you can visit http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Taking your life is not the answer. There are people that care and can help you 24 hours a day.
1(800) 784-2433 or 1(800) 273-8255
Keepsakes
You may want to collect some of the following as reminders of you child
- A Certificate of live Birth or Affirmation of Life certificate
- A picture of your baby (if possible)
- The plastic arm bracelet prepared by the hospital to identify your child
- A record of the weight, length, head and chest measurements (if possible)
- A receiving blanket from the hospital/ and newborn hat
- Footprints/Hand prints
Anything that is brought home from the hospital is special and important for parents to keep and look back upon. I have heard that a lot of parents decide not to take pictures of their child that it would be to difficult for them, but later decide that they wished they had,
When I lost Sara, I was not sure and a bit afraid to hold her or take any pictures with her I thought it would be best if they just took her out of the room so I could pretend that this had never happened to me, I am so thankful that my mom was there with me, God must have knew I would be needing her because she flew up to visit me when I lived in Alaska for a week and it just happened to be the week I would lose my Sara. My mom told me I should hold her and spend time with her and take many pictures of her to remember her by. My mother was right, At the time I just wanted to be alone and "get it over with" Now I am so thankful to have what I have of her and wish that I had more. So thank you Mom for knowing what was best for me I did not understand at the time, but I understand now. sometimes Mom's know best even if you are a Mom yourself.
My heart was this cup when when I lost my baby, it was shattered and broken into a thousand pieces . With the love of my family and my current husband. I was able to tape my heart back together piece by piece. It may never be the same again, but everyday has been a new day and everyday It becomes stronger. I know that my baby is with Jesus now and I will see her again someday.
Here are some things that I have gathered from families that have been through this to help and heal with the pain you might be feeling right now.
- Let some balloons off, Maybe write a personal note to your baby and tie it on the end of the string. Allow your children to be a part of this, it is also very healing for them. You can also do this on due dates or birthdays etc.
- Plant a flower or a a plant in honor of your baby.
- Make a garden in your backyard, and decorate it with things that remind you of your baby. if you do not have a grave site for your baby it helps to have a quiet place where you can go and talk to your baby, pray, leave special items or flowers.
- Light a special candle
- Get a tattoo some women do this and I have seen many beautiful ones I have been told that it makes them feel like their child is still with them and never will be forgotten.
- Join a local support group or online support group, I have met some very helpful people and have created wonderful friendships with each and every one of them.
- Start a Myspace or Facebook page for your baby from there they have quite a few support groups you can choose from. Mine is called "Baby's in heaven" and you are more then welcome to join its open to the public you can journal, meet other women that are feeling some of the same feelings you might be feeling. Some (like myself have found healing in complete strangers that do not have the same stories but we all have the pain of loosing our baby in common.
- Most importantly immediate family communication and friends.
Blessed are those who mourn,
For they shall be comforted
Matthew 5:4
